just come out here and I will go home with you...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
