Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
