My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.