Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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