well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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