They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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