So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
