I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
