I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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