a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
