I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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