i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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