You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
