sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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