How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
