If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
