Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
