so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
