Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
