Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
