Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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