Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I want to have your abortion
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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