Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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