Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We're too hungover to prance.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
