My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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