i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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