I bet he comes in French.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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