I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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