I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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