R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
