can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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