toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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