I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
