At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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