i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
