My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
