from now on my penis is your penis
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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