Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
