I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
