did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
