i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
