Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
