I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
