even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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