I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
