dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
