Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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