I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
