The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
