gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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