you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
