the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
