"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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