never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
