One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
