I cannot find my penis.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
