At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
