He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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